In the shower with a writer

Greetings to my fellow authors, writers and readers.

You can read this and be sure that there are no ‘F’ words or profanity of any sort. Indeed, this is the cleanest piece of work I have ever written.


Because I just got out of the shower and am now squeaky clean!



What has the shower got to do with writing I hear you ask?

Well, there are many little ditties that say: You know you’re a writer when –

Examples –

  • You know you’re a writer when – Deleting whole chapters in your manuscript is equivalent to repeatedly stabbing yourself in the chest.
  • You know you’re a writer when – You make random odd expressions to make sure you’ve described them correctly.
  • You know you’re a writer when – You talk about your characters as if they are real people, which of course they are!
  • You know you’re a writer when – A brilliant idea comes to you in the bath or shower and you’re unable to write it down.

You get the picture? Is that you?

So picture this (the squeamish of you may wish to avert your eyes) I’m in the shower luxuriating in the splish, splash, splosh of this relaxing time and my questing fingers find my ears. Nothing unusual in that is there? But here’s the rub. Suddenly my ears take on a different meaning (I’ve got Irish ears by the way. The sort that tells you when the English are coming to throw us out of our rude huts! Big ones – ears that is, not huts)



Now then, there’s a character in Book One of The King’s Jew  his name is Thomas Fletcher who also appears in the soon to be published Book Two.

I’ve not read book one for a long time (why should I? I wrote it!)

To continue – I’m still in the shower fondling my ears remember – well, in this second book I endowed the aforementioned character with a special feature which was revealed when another character was remembering him.

And this special feature? Thomas Fletcher only had one ear. That is why Crispin Bowman remembered him after several years from just one brief meeting.

Sounds believable, doesn’t it? I mean to say, one-eared people are memorable, aren’t they?



And you know who this is don’t you?


BUT – don’t forget I’m still in the shower – my mind then went back to the sequence in Book One when Thomas Fletcher first appeared AND the most important aspect of Thomas’s character in the book is that he has the capability to melt into the background whilst he follows his devious scheming ways.

If that were the case then the absence of an ear would stick out like a sore thumb, wouldn’t it? See what I did there?

SO still clutching my left ear, soap in my eyes and a glaring error discovered in Book Two I decide I have to go back to the relevant pages and alter the section referring to the baddies lack of ear.

The moral of this little piece – if you can bear to hear it – is that a writer never has any time off. The slightest thing, action, word, situation immediately drags the writer back into his or her fictional world.

Parental guidance warning – For Christ’s sake is there no peace! Must we remain at the beck and call of our characters all the time? Even in the shower? The bloody shower isn’t big enough for me Crispin, Thomas et al.

AND – The King’s Jew is set in the thirteenth century and they didn’t have showers in those days – waterfalls maybe.


Anyway, I got out of the shower, grabbed a towel and guess what? Thomas and Crispin stayed where they were, in the shower. I gave them five minutes to enjoy themselves before turning the water off and bidding them farewell. But they never leave us, do they?

Have you ever been accosted by one of your creations in a strange place? Let me know if you have and maybe we can arrange a party for them – at the very least it will give us writers a brief respite!

In conclusion, I can hardly hear a thing now as I’ve got water in my ear.

BUT let’s look on the bright side – Thomas Fletcher has just got his ear back. Could we class this as a miracle? I’ll drop a line to the Pope and see what he thinks.

Bit of a Garden of Gethsemane moment don’t you think?

BOOK TWO to be published in six weeks –