J.K. Rowling and Me. THE TRUTH!

Usually I bring all things medieval to your eyes yet it’s time to break with convention.

It happened like this – I turned the TV on yesterday afternoon (yeah, I know, I should have been finishing book three of “The King’s Jew” – or down the pub!) and what should be on the screen but a biopic of JKR.


The movie showed all the trials and tribulations our Ms Rowling went through in order to get her first book published. It was then – cliché alert – like a bolt from the blue, that it hit me… I AM JK ROWLING!!! Well nearly. All I need is a sex change.


How so? I hear you ask.

Well, J. K. Rowling wrote her first book “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” and struggled to get taken seriously. Every agent in the land turned her down until she met up with Cristopher Little (her then agent). Hi Cristopher – I’m over here!

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So why do I think I’m J. K. Rowling? Well, the idea for the series’ first came to JKR as she was returning by train from Manchester to London. I LIVED IN MANCHESTER!!!! I’VE BEEN TO LONDON ON A TRAIN! You’re getting to see the similarities now aren’t you?

But is this simple Manchester connection the only thing me and JKR have in common? Not so dear reader – there’s more – read on!


When JKR began writing she knew she had a great story inside her – JUST LIKE ME.

When JKR received her first rejection from an agent she persisted because she believed in her talent – JUST LIKE ME.

JKR has lived a ‘rags to riches’ life story – Ok maybe we differ here as I’m still stuck in the ‘rags’ section! But I live in hope!

Rowling was a teacher – JUST LIKE I WAS.

She wrote in cafes – UNLIKE ME – I write in pubs (sometimes) – there are character traits in my novels that come straight from the saloon bar of a seedy pub!! Yes folks I like to frequent dangerous places – I’m not saying that Edinburgh cafes are dangerous places. I’ve been in a few and found them interesting (but not as interesting as the Edinburgh pubs (especially in Leith).


I can tell you’re not convinced, dear reader but let’s look at some other traits me and Ms Rowling share.


1 – We both worked hard on our book covers

2 – We let our writing take over our lives (sometimes to the detriment of personal relationships I’m sorry to say).

3 – We are both introspective and sometimes balk in the company of strangers.

4 – We have both taken part in radio broadcasts.

5 – We both found love in Portugal (not with each other I hasten to add!)

6 – We’ve both had movies made of our books – OK mine is just a video trailer for the book but you gotta start somewhere haven’t you?


7 – JKR got an OBE – I’ve got an OBOE! – What’s a circle / zero between friends? Giotto (the artist born in the same century “The King’s Jew” is set used to sign his name using a circle (a perfect circle!)

8 – Our eponymous heroine is the United Kingdom’s best-selling living author, with sales in excess of £238m – NOTE THOSE THREE NUMBERS – 2, 3 and 8 – my book is on sale for around £2.38.

9 – JKR supports charities such as Multiple Sclerosis Society of Great Britain – My book sales support Birling House http://www.mortimersociety.org.uk/textpage/index.php?id=13 and the Huntington’s Disease Association http://hda.org.uk/

10 – Last but not least – the sales of JKR’s debut novel under the name of Robert Galbraith (The Cuckoo’s Calling) rose by 4,000% when the news came out that she was the writer. An immediate 140,000 extra copies were printed. 140,000!!!! If I could sell just 140 copies of “The King’s Jew” in a bl**dy month I’d be ecstatic (my apologies for the expletive but I get a bit emotional at times!).

Maybe you could help me here dear reader – what shall I change my name to in order to have a surge in sales?

J.K. Stransky?

Darius Rowling?

Any and all suggestions gratefully received.

Thank you for reading this far and if you want some medieval reading just check out the other pages on the blog. Hang on – the phone’s ringing …

“Hello. Yes this is Darius. J.K Rowling? Is that really you? I beg your pardon! You’ll sue me if I put the above blog out there in the big wide world? How about a coffee instead? You will? Of course you can write your next book using the Stransky name. I’ll pick you up at eight.”


IN CONCLUSION – It’s make your mind up time

Here’s a link to the impoverished but still smiling (through gritted teeth) and still writing, Darius Galbraith Rowling Stransky. http://authl.it/4a1

Here’s a link to the book pages of the multi-millionaire J. K. Rowling. I Must Be Mad – You owe me a beer for this Joanne!!



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